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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,182nd Edition
October 19th, 2018

Punchlines made fresh daily

President Trump meeting with Kanye West. A classic case of He said/Ye said.

The most common places people catch a cold or the flu-airports, airplanes, schools, college dorm rooms, offices, churches and public restrooms. So as long as you don't fly, go to work, school or church and hold it, you should be fine.

The University of Minnesota has signed a 6'9", 400-pound freshman for their offensive line. Actually, he'll play two positions.

On the positive side of things, Kanye West is not scheduled to meet the president once this week.

A report says only 1 in 3 young Americans plan to vote in the November election. Seriously? You're going to let us make another decision after last time?

Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have called off their engagement. It will be much faster if we ask, "Who didn't see that coming?"

An e-cigarette company is putting Viagra and Cialis into its vape liquids. Some people are upset. Others, have hard feelings.

"Keeping up with the Kardashians" has hit its lowest ratings ever. Apparently, everyone feels caught up.

If you use the MindBody app for your fitness training, the app was hacked. My data is safe-I don't workout!

Tara Reid was kicked off a flight after causing "a disturbance." My guess is that her comfort shark might have caused some problems.

Tara Reid was kicked off of an airline flight. I'll be honest-I didn't know we had that option.

A 41-year-old New Jersey man says he has eaten pizza every night for dinner since he was four. If I had done that, I would be applying right now to be officially recognized as a new planet.

Evil fall trick: walk around your yard until the neighbor kid notices. When he asks what you're doing, you can say you lost a $20 bill somewhere in the yard and that if he rakes up all the leaves, he can keep the $20. Moo-ha-ha...

A new study says that if you work less and have less stress in your life, you'll live longer. I read the story during my break at my second job.

Pot is now legal in Canada. And for our Canadian readers, who may have missed it the first time, pot is now legal in Canada.

A rabid raccoon has attacked three people in Washington, D.C.. However, it's still viewed as not the most dangerous thing there.

A study claims that climate change could cause beer prices to double. Oh, NOW you're paying attention.

From radio brother, Skip Tucker: Just once, I'd like a username and password prompt say, "Okay... fine. Whatever. Close enough."

Kristen Bell says she’s not sure about the message that “Snow White” is giving her daughters about a prince kissing a woman without their permission. I have a feeling that a fairy tale where the princess was left in the forest in a glass coffin for eternity would have been a big hit.

Meghan Markle reportedly makes no salary as a Royal. Just wanted you to know that should you get to London and see her as a greeter at Wal-Mart.
 
The Dodgers’ Manny Machado was fined $10,000 for kicking Brewers 1st baseman Jesus Aguilar in Game 4 of their series. Or roughly an inning’s worth of his salary.
 
The actor who plays Big Bird has announced he’s retiring. Those of you noticing how close we are to Thanksgiving, don’t worry—Big Bird is safe.
 
Here to spread mirth and merriment. But to be honest, I’m running a little low on the mirth, so we’re going heavy on the merriment today.
 

TOP FIVE POSSIBLE NAMES FOR BEER BREWED FOR DOGS

  1. Bud Bite
  2. Butt-sniffer
  3. Miller High Leg
  4. Kill the lawn
  5. Fire Hydrant

TOP FIVE HALLOWEEN TREATS THAT'LL GET YOUR HOUSE EGGED

  1. Pieces of last year's fruit cake
  2. Sardines on a stick
  3. Leftover theater popcorn (and you haven't seen a movie since May)
  4. Cauliflower Candy
  5. Broccoli Jerky
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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