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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,161st Edition
May 25th, 2018


Just 7 months from today. Almost time to put the lights back up!

30-million Americans were tuned in for last Saturday's royal wedding. Very few are expected to actually send a gift.

Starbucks has announced a new policy, allowing anyone to sit in their coffee shops, regardless of whether they make a purchase or not. Great--now I'm not getting away with anything. Where's the fun in that?

Starbucks now says you don't have to buy anything. Just show up and go to the bathroom whenever you want. It's basically become Seattle.

Bumble Bee's CEO has been indicted for fixing the price of tuna. Ironically, he's expected to be canned.

What's it mean if I'm hearing Yaurel or Lonni?

Some excitement at the San Antonio airport Monday afternoon when a monkey escaped it's shipping crate. Eventually, it was caught. And technically speaking, it still had more leg room than in coach.

Google has removed the "Don't be evil" clause from their code of conduct. Apparently, the order came from one of the higher-downs.

Nicolas Maduro won reelection in Venezuela despite a disapproval rate of 75%. Yes, he Trump'd it.

New research says the best way to keep your heart in shape is exercise 30 minutes. That's encouraging, considering all I need to do is add 29 minutes to my routine.

The CDC has announced that romaine lettuce is safe to eat again. That reminds of the old cliché, "You first."

Radio brother Rob Walker tells me that 3:45am is the time that smoke alarm batteries are programmed to run out.

Starbucks announced that people may sit at their tables and go to the bathroom even if they don't purchase anything. However, they did request when going to the bathroom that you use the restroom.

I'm surprised how not very many generals actually attend general meetings.

Amazon is banning shoppers who make too many returns. You've heard the phrase, "Many happy returns"-that person didn't work at Amazon.

I saw on Facebook that the praying mantis likes to capture hummingbirds. Well, at least now we know what they’re praying for.
 
A top North Korean official has called comments made by Vice President Mike Pence “stupid.” Pence responded by pointing out that it’s time to demonstrate a more mature diplomatic approach. That’s when the president made his “poo-poo head” comment.
 
This week AT-and-T announced that later this year they will start selling a smartphone that will feature a holographic display that projects 3D images. Perfect for anyone asking Obe Wan Kanobi for help.
 
Hasbro has filed to trademark the scent of Play-Doh. I would think if they could make it a spray, it would be one way to trick kids into eating kale.
 
Hillary Clinton urged the graduating class at Yale to buy newspaper subscriptions. The graduates yelled out, “Glad to. What’s a newspaper?”

FIVE FAMOUS MOVIE TITLES AFTER THE PC POLICE GOT AHOLD OF THEM

  1. "Dances with endangered spirit animals that were here first"
  2. "Disembodied spirit Busters"
  3. "Silence of the Non-Vegan Baby Sheep"
  4. "Beauty and the Appearance-Challenged Prince"
  5. "The Posture-Disadvantaged Bell-ringer of Notre Dame"

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBORS REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU

  1. Their annual "Everybody but You" Party is this weekend
  2. Someone put a sign in your yard: "Hostage situation wanted"
  3. When you accidentally got someone else's mail, they told you, "Oh, keep it"
  4. Sign on everyone's porch: "Peddlers welcome, you're not"
  5. Someone keeps throwing away their garbage in your mailbox
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian.  A new cartoon every week!
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