Saw this on Facebook: A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
The annual "Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona, Spain, began Friday and continues for 9- days. You think your commute has been tough this week.
May I take this time to publicly protest the entire concept of a 5-day work week. Thank you.
I'm hearing lots of buzz about "Ant Man and the Wasp." Not good or bad, just buzz.
A dog nicknamed "Miracle Millie" has now been cloned 49 times. Good to know they've come up with a solution for the stray dog shortage.
Another gem from Facebook: I signed up for an exercise class and they told me to wear loose clothing. Look, if I had loose clothing, I wouldn't need the exercise class!
A Starbucks worker in Tacoma helped a deliver a baby outside her store last Friday night. Congrats to the parents of little Frappuccino Mocha.
Of course, being delivered at Starbucks meant it cost five times what it would have cost to just do it at home.
And of course, when filling out the name on the birth certificate, the Starbucks employee spelled it wrong.
They're saying that Hillary Clinton is secretly planning to run again in 2020. To be prepared, just in case, President Trump is said to have already written the Thank You notes.
IHOP says it's dropping IHOB and going back to IHOP. IHOB worked for me. I imagined it stood for "I Hadn't Opted to Bother."
Starbucks says they're going to stop using plastic straws by 2020... .so, around the time you get to the front of the line.
The Marine Corps is reportedly using dating apps to attract recruits. The most commonly used one is called, "Semper Hi, new in town?"
Disney has announced that "Indiana Jones is being pushed to 2021." It stars Harrison Ford, who by then, will be pushed himself.
We always thank the first responders. What about the second responders? Maybe they have a good excuse for being late?
A clay tablet discovered during an archaeological dig may be the oldest written record of Homer's epic tale, the Odyssey, ever found in Greece. It appears to be authentic, as there is no mention of Marge.
Southwest Airlines says it's going to stop serving peanuts for the safety of their passengers. Maybe if that works, they'll experiment with assigned seating.
A report says Americans are quitting their jobs at the fastest rate since 2001. Why are you staring at me? What are you waiting for?
Target has announced a new line of low calorie, high protein ice cream. Because ice cream truly is the key to good health.
Papa John's founder John Schnatter has resigned from the board of the company after allegedly using the N-word on a conference call. And we're not talking about ‘no anchovies.'
It's France versus Croatia in the World Cup Championship on Sunday. Tens of Millions of Americans are expected not to watch.
A new study says that half of all Americans are trying to lose weight. In fact, 25% of all Americans make up 50% of Americans.
President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump will meet Queen Elizabeth II for tea at Windsor Castle on Friday. Hopefully, our president won't offer his patented presidential chest bump.
Stone tools have been found in China that they estimate to be 2.1-million years old. Snap-on, I believe.
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE MACHINES ARE ABOUT TO TAKE OVER THE PLANET
TOP FIVE SIGNS THE HEAT IS STARTING TO GET TO YOU
- You saw a promo for a new reality game show on Netflix, called "Surrender or Be Annihilated"
- Your robot neighbor asks you, "Ready for Friday?"
- President Trump changes mind and nominates a Cuisinart to the Supreme Court
- You came home the other day and caught your vacuum watching "Terminator"
- You hear the toaster shushing the coffee pot when you walk in the room
- Donated towards the GoFundMe to hire a hitman for the weatherman
- You consider "hot" the h-word
- Flipping off the thermometer. That's mature.
- You're jealous of ice cubes
- You just spent ten minutes yelling at your box fan to go faster