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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,213th Edition
June 14th, 2019

Should you celebrate Flag Day? Might as well run it up the flagpole.

A study says honeybees can match symbols to numbers. So, apparently, they can do math, but there's just no such thing as a spelling bee.

N'Sync star, Joey Fatone, is getting divorced. He isn't just saying goodbye to his wife of 15 years, Kelly Baldwin... he's saying bye, bye, bye.

A new report says 49% of Americans under 35 have a "side hustle"-a second job on top of their regular job. I'm shocked: only ONE extra job?

Researchers say they have identified maximum human exertion. To no one's surprise, they weren't looking at me.

When it comes to exertion, I tend to be a minimalist.

The captain of a tourist boat that crashed in Hungary was also involved in a collision in the Netherlands. That explains the word "consistent" on his resume.

They say that because of that HBO series about Chernobyl, it's becoming quite a tourist attraction. So far, all of the reviews have been glowing.

From Facebook: My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a believer" because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding... .but then I saw her face.

Justin Bieber has challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA fight. I don't know who to root against.

I'm sure if Tom doesn't respond to Justin, he'll probably egg him on.

16,000 people in Los Angeles now live in their cars, trucks, vans or SUVs. And that's just those on the freeways!

Listen to these Father's Day numbers-- $467 million is going to be spent on gifts. $140 million spent on food and drink and $52 million on cards and wraps. And THAT'S just the Kardashians.

A study says snoring may make people age faster. Well, that explains why I look 146.

O.J. Simpson says his life has entered a "no negative" zone. Which I'm taking to meaning that whatever was negative in his life, he killed it.

Mike Tyson is creating a 420-acre marijuana holiday resort in the California desert near Palm Springs with a 'weed university' and music festival venue.

  • For those of you wondering, Dave's not here.
  • It's where every student will be a tokin' student.
  • You can earn brownie points with the teacher with actual brownies.

In North Carolina, Ruth Hilliard celebrated her 106th birthday this month and says her long life is due to her faith in God, who obviously is in no rush to meet her.

Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan have announced they will retire from royal life. Yeah, me, too.

Los Angeles has been rated the most stressed city. They will receive a pound of decaf coffee and a relaxation DVD.

Meanwhile, another study says that California is the most fun in the U.S.. If having fun stresses you out, I know which city you should visit.

Ten states are suing to stop the merger of Sprint and T-Mobile. Can you sue me now?

A new study says having a life purpose is linked to a longer life... if you do it on purpose.

Burglars in Skowhegan, Maine, broke into a fairgrounds booth and stole 120 Whoopie pies and drank half a gallon of ice. The suspects are described as on a sugar high and looking for a restroom.

They say that traces of ingredients in Roundup are being found in breakfast cereals. On the plus side, I'm 100% weed-free.

A protective glass layer on the Skydeck ledge at the Willis Tower in Chicago cracked under visitors' feet. No one was hurt, but there was some serious pants damage.

To celebrate the new season of "Stranger Things", Burger King is going to offer Upside Down Whoppers, starting June 21st at select locations. Unless, of course, one is served upside down to you in the meantime.

Federal spending has exceeded $3-trillion for the very first time. You know, a trillion here, a trillion there... after a while, it adds up!

So, Mark Hamill is the voice of Chucky in the new slasher movie? Apparently, Darth Vader finally got him to go to the dark side.

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE AT A LOW-END STAR WARS CONVENTION

  1. Special guest speaker, R2D1
  2. I don't mean to be critical, but I don't think there was a Jedi Clampett
  3. Those official Princess Lei's still have Dollar Store price tag on them
  4. Greeting you at the door-Darth Floyd
  5. Biggest guest attending is Mark Hamill's valet's backup
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOUR CO-WORKER IS GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME
  1. Parked in boss's parking spot... .on top of boss's car
  2. Announced that he and the copy machine are dating
  3. Sent out an all-company email saying he is taking over
  4. Just set his desk on fire... .again
  5. He's taken hostages in the coffee room... again
  Laugh a little, would ya?
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