THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,148th Edition
February 23rd, 2018
Big things come to those sitting on a jet hoping no one is sitting next to them
Oprah says that God didn't tell her to run for president. I'm guessing it's because God didn't have an appointment and she's just been too busy lately.
A new study says that the brains of songbirds are designed to find a mate for life. That's why so many of them meet their life partners on karaoke night.
A survey says that half of all Americans did NOT celebrate Valentine's Day in the traditional sense. It could be that it's harder to find goats these days. Hey, we all have our traditions... .
The best advice to my younger self: grow up! I have a lot of great friends that are always willing to help. The rest of that sentence is "me know how to think on Facebook."
I must be watching too much Olympics. I woke up this morning with Johnny Weir hair.From now on, I'll pay not to hear Fergie sing the National Anthem.
A new study says that coffee beans are good for birds. Great. Now I'll get to Starbucks and there will be flock in front of me.
Donald Trump responded to the indictment of 13 Russians by saying, "It shows there was no collusion. And, by the way, there were actually 15."
Sunday was "National Drink Wine Day." How did that one get by me? Actually, every day is Drink Wine Day, right?
William Shatner has signed on with a country music label. That's gotta be in Revelations somewhere...
Be nice or we'll have Fergie sing all of your favorite songs today.
A new study claims that Americans have 60 bad days a year, 80% of those caused by work. Yeah, I'm shocked, too. Only 80% caused by work?
Almost time to put up the Easter Lights.
Tuesday was National Love Your Pet Day. I'm not going to tell him if you won't.
A Russian curler has been charged with using performance enhancing drugs. To make matters worse, he was also using a Quidditch broom.
An expert claims that humans should be able to achieve immortality by 2050. Great. I can live forever in an 80-year-old body. Just living the dream.
I’m just imagining this: Fergie, singing the National Anthem, as a duet with Roseanne Barr.
In Great Britain, all of their KFC’s have run out of chicken. That would be like, here in the states, all of the McDonald’s running out of meat-like substance.
Another Sylvester Stallone is dead rumor made the rounds of the Internet the other day. He assures us, he’s not. His acting career? OK, maybe you’ve got something there….
Billy Graham has gone to meet the boss.
There’s a Twitter account called “realAbeLincoln.” Do you really even need the “real” part?
I love the entrepreneurial spirit. I was inspired by something I saw on Twitter today: “Drink outside the lines.”
Coldilocks, the oldest polar bear in the U.S. has died at age 37. Apparently, life just got too hard... or too soft... .or just right.
Jeff Bezos is building a 10,000-year clock in Texas. I believe it's going to be used to time really long baseball games.
There's the "Me, too" movement and the "Time's Up" movement. They should combine and become the "Times Two" movement. That would make them twice as powerful. Sometimes I shouldn't say what I'm thinking out loud.
So, you're saying if I use Snapchat, I can send a message to someone they'll only see once and then it disappears forever? Isn't that what they used to call a live conversation?
My radio brother Skip Tucker pointed out: So, the only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis, who played Gollum. I guess that means ... they're the Tolkien white guys.
TOP FIVE POSSIBLE FUTURE WINTER OLYMPICS SPORTS
- Winter Triathalon, where athletes compete for the bests skiing, shooting and Bumble score
- Backwards Luge, with a special "Best Scream" medal
- Pear Skating, where two people use pears instead of skates
- The Johnny Weir Hair High Jump
- Adam Rippon Wrestling
TOP FIVE SIGNS IT'S REALLY COLD OUTSIDE
- You chipped your tooth on some soup
- It's faster to put ice cube trays outside
- Real estate ads include three open igloos
- The robin is seen skating on the bird bath (only a 6.8 if you're interested)
- A snowman is seen building a fire
Laugh a little, would ya?
PS--Don't forget about our friend, Ima Norwegian
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