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THIS WEEK'S WACK
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Our 1,190th Edition
December 14th, 2018

A week from Tuesday, you say?

Just for the record, I'd be willing to commit to host the Oscars... ..for a day or two.

A test says people who can't climb four flights of stairs in one minute without stopping are at risk of dying early. Warning sign number 2-getting winded going up an escalator.

Pantone has picked the 2019 Color of the Year as "Living Coral." I remember that show-"In Living Coral."

A Florida college student has been arrested after threatening to kill a professor over a 7:00 AM exam time. There was a time a few years back where I would have sided with the student.

A study says California has the worst drivers in the nation. I about drove off the road when I was reading that... .

North Dakota was named the best state for driving. I understand all six of the drivers are very careful.

For the first time ever, any Cuban citizen is now allowed to sign up for Internet service through their mobile phone. To which most Cubans replied, "A mobile what?"

Amazon's Jeff Bezos makes more in 30-seconds than the average worker makes in an entire year. And then, most of that, he gives back to Bezos by shopping on Amazon.

Lindsay Buckingham says that Stevie Nicks was behind him getting kicked out of Fleetwood Mac. He can still hear her saying, "You can go your own way."

Lindsay always wanted to be the best. Now he's the Pete Best of Fleetwood Mac.

The guy at the Salvation Army kettle today didn't really look familiar, but his hand sure did ring a bell.

The NASA Mars lander has captured the first sounds of the "Martian wind." It occurred shortly after pulling, what they call, the Mars finger.

Kevin Hart is out as the host of the Oscars after refusing to apologize for some old tweets. This pretty much guarantees President Trump will never host.

A Mississippi inmate stole a prison van, honking goodbye to his fiancée as he drove off. And he had just promised to "love and cherish her... until the prison van starts."

Delta has raised the price of inflight alcoholic drinks to $9. But they are ready when you are.

Robert Blake has filed for divorce from his third wife. By the way, girls, he's 85 and soon to be single!

They did a crackdown on drivers in England and Wales over the summer and 57% of those pulled over failed a drug test. Well, that explains why they drive on the wrong side of the road.

That Irish woman who legally married a 300-year-old ghost of a pirate says that they have broken up. I never knew what she saw in him... .I mean, you could see right through him.

Hours after winning college football's most prestigious award, Oklahoma University quarterback Kyler Murray apologized on Sunday for using homophobic language in a series of tweets dating from 2011 and 2012. In other words, he may have won the Heisman, but he'll never host the Oscars.

McDonald's is going to launch cheesy bacon fries because you have been starting to eat way too many salads.

Saw this on Facebook: There were over a dozen vegetable recalls in 2018. Not a single recall on bacon. Just sayin'...

Wouldn't it make sense that we look for someone who could be the White House Chief of Staff AND host the Oscars? Then we'd only need to find one person.

Whenever I have the chance to address young people these days, I usually like to say, "Ha-ha, we had better music than you do!" It's usually downhill from there.

A new study says that we shouldn't be drinking coffee first thing in the morning. So, I'm taking a big step-and beginning tomorrow, I'm going to stop reading studies.

CarMD put together a list of the cars with the lowest repair bills. Mazda was in the number one spot. The most expensive car to repair: anything made by Ukraine Motors, especially the Lemonado.

44 former Senators are warning the U.S. is entering a "dangerous period." My question: When did we ever leave it?

Piers Morgan says he wouldn't mind becoming Donald Trump's Chief of Staff. OK, now it's getting entertaining!

Puma is re-releasing its 1986 RS-Computer shoe that can hook up to a Commodore 64. I'm holding out for their Atari shoe.

Thanks to the Mueller investigation, the #1 most popular Christmas gift this year is Hush Money.

In Claymont, Delaware, a family with the last name of Trump is legally changing it because their sixth grader keeps getting bullied in school. So, they all have a new last name now and wish nothing but the best to the Hitler family.

From Facebook: The fastest land mammal is a toddler that's been asked, "What's in your mouth?"

A new study says the attack of a heart is greatest on Christmas Eve. Especially if you notice the name of your girlfriend on your wife's present as she's opening it.

Millions of Americans are finding themselves working past age 65. You know what they say: when it comes to retirement, 65 is the new 21.

First, Delta announced this week that they're bumping up the price of their in-flight alcoholic drinks to $9. Now, they say they're going to zone boarding on their planes. Which, most likely, will result in increased alcohol sales. I see what you're doing there... .

Facebook has filed for a patent that can guess where users are going next. That would be great because I don't even know that.

"The Kardashians" reality show has fallen below 1-million viewers for each episode. Apparently, we feel we've kept up.

The South Dakota State Jackrabbits scored a record 90 points in the first half against Savannah State. What's even more impressive is that this was in soccer! (kidding-basketball)

TOP FIVE MOST POPULAR RAP ARTISTS AT THE NORTH POLE

  1. Snowtorius E.L.F.
  2. Kanye North
  3. Really Lil Herbie
  4. Broke Toyz
  5. J-the Upside Down Candy Cane-Zee
TOP FIVE LEAST LIKELY NAMES FOR THE NEW NHL TEAM IN SEATTLE
  1. The Grande Double-Shot No Foam Soy Milk Lattes
  2. The Not-the-Mariners
  3. The Amazon Prime Free Shippers
  4. The Frozen Sonics
  5. The For Puck's Sakes
Laugh a little, would ya?
 
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